man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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