I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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