At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
