Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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