She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
