whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
