So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
