get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
