What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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