Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
