we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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