I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
