I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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