Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
