Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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