I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
