So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
