its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
God, I missed his penis.
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