I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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