Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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