I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
