This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
