worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
