We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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