I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
