I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
