I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
