Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
