The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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