Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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