yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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