Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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