Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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