do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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