whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
