i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
