So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
