i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
