Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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