I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
