You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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