How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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