i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
