I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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