he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
