I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
