You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
