Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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