I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
