you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
