Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
