I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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