I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
