this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
